“Please, please take my seat,” the man said, gesturing towards the overweight subway rider’s bulging belly.
“I’m not pregnant you asshole,” the overweight subway rider screamed before storming to the other end of the subway car.
Bessy, teased for being a cow her whole life, had a penchant for looking every gift horse in the mouth.
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Upon missing a routine call at first base, umpire Jim Joyce infamously cost pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game. While many thought Joyce’s error would mark the end of his career, it instead launched him to stardom. His memoir, “An Imperfect Game” was an international bestseller and Joyce became a fixture on the speaking circuit. There were rumors that he approached Galarraga about a business partnership, but Galarraga, who retired without ever throwing another perfect game, was said to have respectfully declined.
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Panhandler: “Can you spare some change?”
Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any.” (I didn’t)
Panhandler: “Just bend over and I’ll do the rest.”
Gus* was never much of a salesman.
*Name changed to protect the living.
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There is no place I feel more inadequate or more like a scolded child than in the dentist’s chair under the scrutiny of the hygienist. Why doesn’t she ever believe I floss?
At the time of Beth’s* passing she didn’t have a single filling nor any signs of gum disease, but she didn’t have many friends either. “She had a lot of trust issues,” her husband admitted. “Beth always said that hygienists are lied to more than lawyers, but get paid in silver instead of gold.”
*Name changed to protect the living.
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BP was hopeful that as Chief Executive, Tony Hayward could plug the holes of his predecessor’s reign. Unfortunately for mankind and wildlife, Hayward turned out to be as greasy and dangerous as the oil he spilled. After the Deepwater Horizon Disaster there was a call for Hayward’s relatively small head, but BP stood behind him, drilling their excuses into the public with the same intensity they drilled into the ocean.
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When Sam Sifton resigned as the New York Times restaurant critic he admitted the job had been difficult, “It often felt like people didn’t understand what I was saying. I was like a puffer fish trying to express itself in cold water.” He also confessed that when he interviewed for the position and was asked to explain his theory on the stars, he thought the question was about astrology. He gave a random answer, inadvertently creating the random ratings system that would eventually become his signature.
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